Proverbial Faith: Wise as serpents … innocent as doves

I have an email devotional I’m doing with the same title as this post.  A recent post read:

Do not let loyalty and faithfulness forsake you;
bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.
So you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and of people.

(Proverbs 3:3-4)

(Yes, we’ve skipped ahead a great deal.)

I’ll admit that I don’t have a lot of patience or tolerance with unfaithfulness, especially unfaithfulness in marriages.  In the honesty department, I think it is because I know how completely out of control it can get for me if I even take one small step in that direction.  The image I maintain for myself is “AVALANCHE!”.

I completely understand the emotions, the allure, the thrill that comes from those initial steps onto the steep snowy mountainside.  Maybe some can even survive the uncontrollable ride in the avalanche.  I won’t take that risk.  For me, it has to be a conscious decision.  So, the binding and writing in this proverb are good adjectives for me.  This is simply a huge value that is non-negotiable in my life.  It is so key for me, that I can hardly stand books or movies where unfaithfulness is part of the story, especially if unfaithfulness is depicted in the slightest positive light.

The first broader question that needs to be asked about loyalty and faithfulness is whether or not it is an appropriate cultural value in our day and age.  In the culture, it is certainly “on the ropes”, within marriage and beyond.  Are those of us with this value an outdated minority, tenaciously hanging on to ancient values that have out-served their original purpose?  I’ve got to wonder as I look around.  But, what can we expect when half of marriages end in divorce and a large percentage of high school students are not living with both natural parents (at the same time).  We’ve taught our children that loyalty and faithfulness are values that are not very high on the list.

I answer that loyalty and faithfulness are indeed an important value for me, and I evaluate others based on the importance they have placed on them.  Where loyalty and faithfulness are not treasured values, chaos often ensues.  Even blind loyalty has its place … not in all things, but many.  But that is my answer.  What about yours?

Another question that I invite you to consider is, “Where else in our lives is loyalty and faithfulness non-negotiable?”  Family? Job? Commitment to justice? Honesty? What would your list look like?  Is it long?  Are the items on that list truly non-negotiable?  What can you do to strengthen the commitment to this value?

Play with the proverb and your answers …

At least two people provided me with some reflections.  I’m offering them here as a way to give them voice outside the actual (brief) weekly devotional.

This is one response:

I find the recent Proverb 3:3-4 very thought provoking.  Some may pick and choose to apply some part of this ‘wisdom’ to their life, yet  loyalty and faithfulness are very important character traits that most people use as a barometer in their relationships.

Generations and culture do not view ‘traditional’ in the same way.  Needless to say, I am more of a traditionalist but have learned that it is important to try and understand our culture of the late 20th and current 21st centuries. There seems to be an abundance of reasonable reasons for our society in this day and age to ignore the traditional principles that have served us so well.  Family situations and relationships are a constant challenge to the traditional way of life. I do not have to change my thinking but I can listen and try to instill my values in a non-threatening way.  Society can’t seem to take the time for God and hear His Word.

The last sentence of the Proverb……”so you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and of people” has the essence of ego building to me  and is centered around motives for doing only what one will do.  I am not interested in how many check marks I will have on judgment day as I try to be faithful and loyal as a part of my normal activity.

Yes – I want to please God and help others but my loyalty and faithfulness comes from my heart and a clear conscience.    I, personally, seek no recognition or reward when I am given the opportunity to share myself with someone or something.  It is important that I be loyal and faithful to myself and my values.  The Golden Rule is a strong reminder of what God shows us every day and it is important that we look upon our fellow man in the same way.

I have experienced a variety of religious beliefs in my lifetime.  Church of the New Jerusalem (Swedenborgian), Southern Christian Church, confirmed & married Methodist, taught SCS in a Presbyterian Church, I married a Lutheran and all of our children were baptized Lutheran and I later became a Lutheran through Affirmation of Faith.  As a child of the depression era we lived with my grandparents until I was 12 years old.  Each imparted a central value that was very important to me.  One that has remained with me is that I was not alone in this world and it was important to put others before myself which is more or less the Golden Rule.

Although I have not specifically answered the questions you put to us I feel that if I continue to be loyal and faithful in all that I do than choice does not become an issue.   Maybe this is a copout or unrealistic yet we have the advantage of prayer in reconciling the differences that may exist not only with others but within ourselves.

This proverb gave me the opportunity to assess loyalty and faithfulness as I take my relationships and activities as a part of my normal existence.  This has been a good exercise for me.

This is another response

The other question in faithfulness in marriage, is in your other vows. Yes, fidelity is one of them. But so is being present – to have and to hold. Neglect is a form of infidelity. In joy and in sorrow – abandoning a spouse and turning to alcohol instead to deal with pain or difficulties in life. In plenty and in want – running up hundred dollar bar tabs so that rent and child care can’t be paid. In sickness and in health – not dealing with illness, even mental illness, but only wanting perfection, physically, mentally, and emotionally, or abandoning a spouse because they have a problem. Or not recognizing your own problems. To love and to cherish – abusing a spouse, emotionally, verbally, and finally physically. In my mind that is the ultimate infidelity. When my ex-husband did get around to cheating on me, it no longer mattered. He had shattered our marriage in breaking my faith – my trust long before then. Yes, my child is living with only one of his natural parents. And i doubt I will ever tell him what occurred between his father and I.

Instead I will teach him that loyalty and faithfulness are like trust – something to be earned. Once it has been earned, it takes a great deal to break it, especially in honest, open relationships. And by that I mean a relationship of any form – parent and child, siblings, employer and employee, business partners, friendships.

My parents taught me many values, and many of them are intertwined. Honesty, integrity, and the value of your honor. Hard work (which is in all things, personal relationships, making a home, and doing your job) and commitment. And faith and trust. Most importantly? When in doubt, “do the right thing.” The right thing is what your heart tells you – and often comes from the grace of God and the Holy Spirit working with in you. And often, doing the right thing keeps you away from the edge of the avalanche.

I’m delighted that people are engaged in reflection!

Pondering Pastor

Righteous Indignation

Last evening, driving in Annapolis at about 6:00 pm, I encountered a situation that could have proved fatal, and I would have been held accountable.   The sun had set, it was getting pretty dark, and while driving on West street, I approached a traffic circle.  Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m hyper alert at traffic circles.  I have to determine whether or not the vehicles in the circle are continuing around, turning off, or … well, we hope there is no “or”.  In my hyper alert state, I’m only hyper alert for vehicles.  Suddenly, a dark shadow is in front of me, moving quickly.  While hitting the brakes, I notice a man wearing a black wool coat, dark pants, dark shoes, and dark gloves.  Actually, the only way I notice this man is because of this vague shadow and the reflected light on his face.  I stop short of the intersection.  He has dashed nearly to the curb and now turns to throw curses at me, pointing at the crosswalk.  Yes, the law is that a vehicle yields to a pedestrian in a crosswalk.  His was righteous indignation that I did not stop when he stepped into the crosswalk.

I’m constantly aware of pedestrians wearing dark clothing at or after dusk in these parts.  A girl was killed crossing the highway with a bicycle two days ago less than a mile from my home.  She was walking her bike across the road, but had no reflective gear/clothing.  Within the past week, I nearly clipped a pedestrian wearing dark clothing walking along the side of a dark narrow street.  And last night’s incident was even closer.  Usually I’m pretty vigalant about these things.

Was the righteous indignation justified?  Had the pedestrian been able to see through my experience, maybe there would have been different assumptions.  Disaster averted.  Be careful out there … drivers and pedestrians.

Pondering Pastor

Polar Bear Plunge

Today was the Maryland State Police Polar Bear Plunge for Special Olympics.  What a day!

This morning before dawn, my spouse and I awoke with one question … actually two questions … on our minds.  First, how cold would the water feel?  Second, what could we do to stay warm?  We found ourselves pacing and killing time until the 9:30 am meeting time at the church, where we would carpool over to the local Community College for a bus to the freezing zone.  Before we left, however, the weather update was not encouraging.  Air temperatures were to be in the mid to upper 30s with a strong wind blowing.  Water temperature in the Chesapeake Bay was 33 degrees.

When I get nervous, I get quiet and withdrawn.  It was an effort to interact much with people this morning.  I knew I could do this, but the two haunting questions remained.

When we arrived at Sandy Point State Park, the event site, it was a carnival atmosphere.  Ravens colors were everywhere.  (You would have thought that they won the playoffs and were going to the Super Bowl!)  Huge heated tents held vendors and displays.  The promised pig racing didn’t happen.  Someone was seated on a dunk tank.  (He was wearing cold water survival gear.)  Those selling cold weather gear seemed to be doing pretty brisk business.  Costume contest and other on stage events didn’t really capture my interest.

As the plunge time approached, we scouted the beach.  Walking down to the water, we noticed the high tide line … a crust of ice about 4 inches thick and a foot wide marked that point.  A hand in the water revealed that the answer to question one was “very cold”.  We looked for the best place to park our photographers and cheering section, and planned our group plunge.

This looks cold!

The dressing tents, one for men and one for women, stood at opposite sides of the beach.  They were heated and very warm.  Our group separated to the appropriate tents, then donned our plunging gear.  The most common attire was swimsuits for the women (we were told it was best to wear as little as possible) and for the men, t-shirts and swim trunks.  One of our men wore a grass skirt.  I wore a black clergy shirt with collar.  It was slow getting out of the warming tent into the water.  In fact, some returned through a seam in the tent before we were even ready to go out.  The men traversed the beach to our planned spot near the women’s warming tent, got a “before” photo, then headed to water’s edge.

Our men led the way into the water.  It was cold, but strangely, it didn’t feel as cold as those early summer dips into the Atlantic at Ocean City.  That might be because our skin became quite numb very quickly.  We waded out to about belly depth, high fived the rescue swimmers stationed at the limit of the plunge zone, then with a quick 1, 2, 3 count, the men went completely under water.  At the count, the women started their way out of the water.  They heard rumor that some men were looking to tackle any woman in arms reach.  The men came up sputtering and spitting and trying to catch a breath as we waded ashore.  I doubt that there is anything so cold as a wet shirt in the wind on a 35 degree day and the wind blowing about 15 mph!

Coming up out of the water!

I quickly made my way back to a towel, stripped off the shirt, and donned my winter jacket.  We had survived!  All of us!  A quick “after” photo shoot, and back we trudged to the men’s changing tent.  My sandles were filling with sand … frozen in place.  I couldn’t feel my feet.

We had seen the back way into the tent, and took that route.  The warmth felt good.  We changed into dry, warm clothing, but not without noticing that the men’s tent was really a coed changing tent.  Not a few women were also using those facilities.  One woman, changing about 5 feet behind me was overheard to say, “Don’t worry, I’ve seen a penis before.”  There were some attempts at modesty, but after all, this was the men’s changing tent.

After getting dressed, we all made our way to the bus line as quickly as possible.  That was the same plan everyone else had too.  We waited in line for an hour for a bus to take us back to our cars.  By the end of that wait, most of us were colder than we had been coming up out of the water.  We were home by 3:30, and by 4 there was no hot water left in our showers.

It was a great day.  Our team of 11 foolhardy plungers raised more than $7,200 for Special Olympics.  We had a great bonding experience.  We will show photos and video at our Youth Fundraising event this evening.  I’ll post a few photos here once I get some of them emailed to me.

Pondering Pastor