Pondering Pastor

We are gifted to have as part of the congregation I serve, people who look at the lessons and attempt to make the flowers aid in communicating the Gospel.  Last Sunday was Pentecost.  The liturgical color of the day is red, and so one would expect red carnations as part of the floral arrangements in worship.  Our floral designers go one better.

Pondering Pastor

Funerals for someone who has committed suicide are challenging for the Christian pastor.   For much of Christian history, and for much of modern Christendom, suicide is considered an “unforgivable sin”.  I’m not convinced that suicide has placed someone irrevocably beyond God’s grace.  There are examples of suicide in scripture where there is no negative judgment.  In fact, 1 Samuel 31:4 has the account of Saul commanding his armor bearer to kill him, and when the armor bearer refuses, Saul falls upon his own sword.  Some will argue that Saul was already out of favor with God.  Some will make a distinction that a situation where one is likely to be killed and abused by one’s enemy is different than someone who willingly commits suicide.

Let me simply say that suicide is not a choice I recommend.  I don’t think offering possible scripture passages for a funeral of a suicide victim contributes to suicide.

I’ve conducted at least 2 funerals for people who have committed suicide.  I don’t remember many details of the funeral for the first one.  The second one, I used Matthew 13:24-30 as the scripture text.

Matthew 13:24-30 He put before them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven may be compared to someone who sowed good seed in his field; but while everybody was asleep, an enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and then went away. So when the plants came up and bore grain, then the weeds appeared as well. And the slaves of the householder came and said to him, ‘Master, did you not sow good seed in your field? Where, then, did these weeds come from?’ He answered, ‘An enemy has done this.’ The slaves said to him, ‘Then do you want us to go and gather them?’ But he replied, ‘No; for in gathering the weeds you would uproot the wheat along with them. Let both of them grow together until the harvest; and at harvest time I will tell the reapers, Collect the weeds first and bind them in bundles to be burned, but gather the wheat into my barn.’”

The refrain, “An enemy has done this” can be very effective.  We know that mental illness, including depression, can result in suicide.  I’m convinced that “an enemy has done this” and the experience of the master in knowing the difference between weeds and wheat, what was planted and what was not, who a person is and what awful things have been a part of that person’s life cannot be underestimated.

At least consider it.

Pondering Pastor

A fair number of people have found this site by searching for funeral sermon material. Therefore, I might as well make some comments.

I clearly have developed a pattern and am filled with biases about funeral sermons over my years as an ordained pastor.

I believe that a Christian funeral should ultimately be about Christ. What does the Christian promise hold for those who die and those who live? Christ’s death and resurrection mean something. There is no denial of death in the Christian funeral. There is no denial of sin in the Christian funeral. There is no denial of the need of God’s grace in a Christian funeral. If those are not lifted up, we probably don’t have a Christian funeral.

Having said that, the funeral is not the time for an “altar call” or to drive the assembled family and friends into the arms of Christ. Simple statements about the impact or importance of faith are usually sufficient. A simple homily, very focused is usually best. It is hard for family and friends to endure long or complicated proclamations of the Gospel. My pattern is usually to acknowledge the loss, to give thanks to God for placing the person in our lives to know and to love, and to recall the promises of God in Christ (forgiveness of sins and everlasting life). Beyond that, the funeral liturgy is allowed to speak as it has for centuries.

There are many “Celebration of Life” services available, and this is becoming the usual thing people request. The person’s life can be acknowledged in the loss and the giving thanks to God sections of the homily. There is nothing inherently wrong with a “Celebration of Life” except that too often the emphasis solely on the deceased and usually one particular view of that person’s life. A Celebration of Life might not include Christ at all. It is rare that an eulogy is done well. (If pastors would stop making their relationship with the deceased normative, that would go a long way to improving the funeral sermon.) Consider that each person’s relationship with the deceased is different. Each have their own disappointments, their joys, their struggle, and their wonderful memories. The funeral sermon should be shaped so that people might be able to recall elements of their own relationship with the deceased.

The funeral service should be long enough to know that something significant has happened, and not so long that people begin looking at their watches. Funerals are places where people who normally don’t attend a worship service might have experience with Christian worship. It should be relatively easy to follow without compromising the integrity of the funeral liturgy. The funeral is no time to get “cute” and “innovative”. The liturgy has developed out of faithful experience over the centuries and should be maintained.

When the military is involved.  I try to finish the Christian burial pieces, and then let the military conduct the services without trying to integrate the two.  It just seems to work better.

Oh, and be sure that the cell phones are off.

Pondering Pastor